The True Love of Parenting

Embodying Presence and Connection in Our Relationships

Parenting is a journey of profound connection, understanding, and growth. As I delve into Thich Nhat Hanh’s True Love – Practice for Awakening the Heart, I find myself deeply moved by how its teachings resonate with the parent-child relationship. Though written with a slight emphasis towards adult interpersonal connection, the insights outlined in the book transcend those boundaries, offering insight into how we can show up for our children. Where we move beyond love as a feeling to a way of being where love is an ability to cultivate presence and connection.

Presence as the Bedrock

At its core, parenting is about presence. When we are present with our whole body, mind, and heart, we create a sacred space for connection. This presence fosters listening and learning, which in turn deepens our understanding. Through understanding, we gain insight into not only our children’s inner worlds but also our own. This allows us to see our children authentically—for who they truly are rather than who we might wish them to be.

Parenting is not solely about achieving specific outcomes but about nurturing a process guided by presence and love. By embodying Maitri, Karuna, Mudita, and Upeksha, we create deeper connections with our children while fostering their growth into confident and compassionate individuals. As Thich Nhat Hanh so beautifully illustrates, true love begins not with what we feel or our intentions but with how we show up—how we behave with those we hold dear.

It’s natural to hold desires for who our children could become, but the path forward must begin in the heart. While the head plays its role in logic and planning, it is easily ensnared by wandering thoughts, stories, and triggers. Leading with the heart grounds us in deeper awareness, fostering more fulfilling connections and mutual understanding.

The Four Elements of True Love

According to the Buddha, the four elements of true love—Maitri (loving-kindness), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (joy), and Upeksha (equanimity)—serve as pillars for cultivating meaningful relationships. As I continue my reading of True Love, I will reflect and share how each element shows up in my parenting philosophy and the presence I try to create with my family. For now, I offer you a breathing technique to connect with you heart.

My Offering

When your mind or emotions have taken over and you can no longer feel your heart's presence, a simple one-minute breathing exercise can help reset your system.

Begin by standing or sitting comfortably. Let your arms rest at your sides, with your wrists rotated so your palms face upward (if sitting) or outward (if standing).

This is a two-part breath with a seven-count exhale:

1)        Inhale through your nose. As the air rises, bring your awareness to your heart. What do you feel? What’s missing? What’s needed?

2)        Let the breath fill your belly and chest. Allow your shoulders to lift slightly.

3)        Take a second inhale to fill the space you've just created. At the top of that breath, pause and hold for a count of one.

4)        Exhale slowly through your nose, mouth closed, for a count of at least seven. Feel your stomach gently contract as it pushes out the last bit of air.

5)        As you exhale, tune into your heart. How does it feel? What can you release?

Repeat this cycle four to five times, until your heart feels warm, present, and alert.