Upeksha: Seeking Equanimity
“Dear one, do you have enough space in your heart and all around you?”
Upeksha, often translated as equanimity or inner freedom, is a profound principle that speaks to the essence of harmonious relationships, particularly in parenting. At its core, upeksha invites us to cultivate peace and balance within ourselves, creating space for others to feel free—not only in their actions but also in their innermost thoughts and emotions. When they feel safe and secure, our children’s inner selves will shine.
Presence Not Pressure
In parenting, upeksha serves as a compass guiding us through the emotional labyrinth of raising children. Parenting with equanimity means recognizing the presence of our children and meeting them where they are, rather than where we wish them to be. This requires us to honor their individuality and development, accepting them without judgment, control, or comparison. By doing so, we create an environment in which trust and authentic connection can flourish. This forms healthy attachment. The parent becomes a steady mirror—offering presence, not pressure—so the child can grow into their truest self with confidence and clarity.
Holding Space
Ultimately, upeksha is about holding space with compassion and clarity. It is the art of balancing presence and freedom, allowing those we care about to feel safe, valued, and unencumbered. To embody upeksha fully, parents cultivate patience and a deep awareness of their own emotions. The journey of parenting brings inevitable moments of frustration, uncertainty, or emotional highs and lows. However, practicing equanimity allows us to hold space for our children while monitoring our own emotional reactivity. Developing this self-awareness helps us remain calm and composed, fostering a secure and nurturing atmosphere. It also allows us deeper personal growth that strengthens other relationships at home and at work.
My Offering
A favorite technique for holding space is stay listening. When children’s big emotions arrive, you stay with them, and you listen. This is what it can look like.
Pause and Regulate Yourself - Take a calming breath. Set aside your agenda. Ground yourself so you can be fully present.
Offer Calm, Silent Presence - Sit close. Stay connected with soft eye contact or a gentle touch (if welcome). Let your body language say, “I’m here with you.”
Validate Without Explaining or Solving - Use a warm tone. Avoid teaching, questioning, or trying to make it better in the moment. “You’re having such a hard time right now.” “I hear you.”
Allow the Emotions to Rise and Move - Let the child cry, rage, or express—without interrupting or distracting. This may take some time. Stay close and present, trusting their inner process to unfold. Monitor your own emotional reactivity.
Reassure with Consistency, Not Control - If they say something like “You don’t love me!” respond with a calm, simple truth, “I love you, and I’m right here.” Don’t argue or defend—just anchor them with presence.
Wait for the Shift – Big emotions pass when children feel safe to release. You’ll notice a natural softening—deeper breath, eye contact, or a return to play.
Reconnect Gently - Afterward, offer a hug, a snack, or quiet play. Don’t rush into explanations or seek to minimize what just happened. Just let them feel your love and steadiness. There will be another time and place to unpack the moment.