Every Behavior Speaks: Listening Beneath the Surface
While cleaning out my inbox recently, I rediscovered a newsletter from the Jai Institute for Parenting, one of my favorite sources of wisdom. Their work consistently reminds me that connection—not control—is the foundation of parenting.
One line in particular stayed with me:
“Every behavior is a form of communication.”
Behind every outburst, refusal, or meltdown lies a feeling, a need, or a longing—often one that hasn’t yet found words. Our children are learning to express what’s happening inside, just as many of us adults are still learning to do the same.
When we forget this truth, it’s easy to slip into frustration or power struggles. But when we pause and look beneath the surface, behavior becomes less about defiance and more about communication. This shift—from reacting to relating—is the heartbeat of conscious parenting.
The Jai Institute offers a simple yet powerful tool called “Become a Translator.” It’s a three-step practice that helps us slow down and reconnect when things get tense:
Pause and Breathe. Before responding, take a grounding breath. Ask yourself: What might be going on underneath this behavior?
Describe What You See. Name the behavior without judgment. “My child is yelling.” “They’re hiding.” “They said no.”
Guess the Need. Get curious. “I wonder if you’re feeling frustrated because you need a little space?”
The goal isn’t to be right—it’s to stay connected.
At The Dad Insight, this framework beautifully complements what I call embodied awareness—the ability to notice what’s happening not only in our child, but in ourselves. Before we can translate our child’s behavior, we must translate our own. What sensations do you notice in your body when your child resists? What emotion rises first—anger, shame, helplessness? These signals are invitations to breathe, regulate, and choose presence over pressure.
When dads learn to listen—to their own bodies and their children’s unspoken needs—they begin leading with compassionate authority rather than control. This is what builds trust, resilience, and emotional intelligence—not just in our kids, but in us.
Parenting isn’t about perfect responses; it’s about steady connection. As the Jai Institute reminds us: you’re doing the work that matters most.
Takeaways to Bring Into Your Parenting This Week
Listen Beneath the Behavior. Ask, “What is my child trying to express?” instead of “How do I stop this?”
Regulate Before You Relate. Notice your body, breathe, and soften your tone before responding.
Translate with Curiosity. Use “I wonder if…” statements to connect, not correct.
Reflection
At the end of your week, ask yourself:
“When did I choose connection over control —and what did that moment teach me about myself?”
Write what you notice. Awareness is the bridge between reaction and relationship.